Sunday, February 28, 2021

Challenge Ninja Solo Play #4: End of first act - rewriting

Here I decide to take a break. I' m hype about this part  and I want to bring more depth to the story.



Post-traumatic rewriting of the previous part.

The death of the blacksmith (whose I' ve already forgotten his name) was a bit abrupt. Let's say that he died in an exceptional fight where in reality he had no chance. His strength was equivalent to Digerbinder's, but the fighting sense of the half-orc was far superior. Sacrificing himself to allow the team to escape, he entrusted them with the mission of going to the coral smiths, the only ones capable of reforging the sword properly. This sword was supposed to lead them to an ancient city of the first elves.

List of threads in progress 

  1. the elven sword. Herman has the hilt and Belanor the blade. According to the blacksmith's indications, reforging the blade would give the way to an ancient elven city.
  2. the olifey have not completed their migration
  3. shark men have landed on land
  4. Dampf's revelations on the problem of the seas
  5. the city of Dampf
  6. the dragonborn

The first four points can be made consistent in this way:

Something big and scary is waking up in the sea pushing the shark men to flee their natural landmark, preventing the olifey from completing their migration.

If Dampf knows about it, he is not the only one. The quest giver as well. Perhaps also an opposing faction. 


Post-generic scene

Zoom on a modest shoe store. A man, hooded in green, suddenly enters. He speaks to the store owner, an old halflin: "We have a problem. The sword has not been reforged. Herman Fatflower never made it through the forest as planned." The Halflin takes off his old glasses and wipes them. "When I sent Herman, I thought our mission would go unnoticed. Warn the Underwood Guard. We must find him."

The man leaves...


Soon after, three new men enter the store. They are part of an opposing faction. A discussion begins in which part of the story is revealed:

Long ago, waters were dominated by the divine kraken. The clerics of the Marine Circle derived their magical power from prayers to the God Kraken and thus dominated the land of men. But one day, men united and killed the beast. Today, the time has come when the Kraken God will be reborn, when the clerics will once again dominate the earth...


This brings a little more consistency to the story. 


I will not hesitate to rewrite passages, in particular the revelations of Dampf, so that the two main characters know more, to give them an important goal (not only to go to plunder the treasures of an archaeological site).


Danger and cropping

I don't want the story to come down to a quest for the ring. There must be something else, some unknown secret. After all, these legends are ancient and have their share of romance:

That's for sure:

  • clerics derive their power from something. They think it's a God.
  • something is happening in the seas

This is uncertain:

the existence of a divine Kraken. After all, we don't know whether men have united to kill a God or a big fish. We don't even know if this Kraken did not die of old age and washed up like an old jellyfish on the sand. The source of the power and the problem is therefore uncertain. We could have the following:

  • a divine Kraken
  • a god under the sea
  • a spaceship (it has already been seen)
  •  a magical ritual
  • a natural phenomenon
  • a phenomenon coming from another plane
  • ....


What is the relationship between the lost city of the elves and the chaos in the seas?

  • a technological control center
  • a center of magical power/knowledge...

To be continued...


This post is a follow-up to Challenge Ninja Solo Play #4: The Shell Dungeon



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